TEHRAN (The Borowitz Report)—In an astounding achievement for a first-time author, on Wednesday Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei nabbed the #1 spot on the New York Times bestsellers list with a business book entitled The Art of the Deal. The publicity materials provided by the publisher tout, “From the mind of a man who negotiated the sweetest deal in the history of the Middle East, learn how to fend off a hostile takeover—and win!” “Don’t just be a leader,” the book jacket urges. “Be a Supreme one!” Among the topics covered, the book “shows, in five easy steps, how to turn a tiny body of water into a money-spinning goldmine.” An advance excerpt from the book’s first chapter begins, “Rule #1: Only negotiate with morons.” The Borowitz Report is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. © 2026 Andy Borowitz |